Good information about attachment.
Great book, with great insight. I had a lot of "ah hah" moments while reading. I recommend it to everyone human being.
For context I'm pretty sure I'm an anxious and maybe dip into avoidant type but have worked very hard for years to realize where I struggle and communicate effectively. On one hand I think it's a good framework for being self-aware of our own needs and paying attention to the limitations of a potential partner and it does give some solid advice and perspective on how to communicate your needs and why that's important rather than using indirect or passive aggressive communication. I especially liked that they mentioned that "sucking it up" and ignoring our feelings and needs to avoid seeming needy or feeling bad for needing assurance allows for the other person to set the tone: one in which your feelings are ignored.
On the other hand it definitely overgeneralized relationship issues to attachment types and didn't even mention ouside factors that might also affect these things. Autism may explain the distancing and discomfort with physical closeness. Being asexual may explain not being interested in sex. ADHD might explain someone forgetting to call back or not texting right away. The general belief that being constantly connected through cell phones may explain why someone may take the day to get back to their partner. I felt it was heavily biased toward anxious types. I took particular issue with the example where the man was really truly awful and I would consider him deeply abusive and probably had narcissistic personality disorder, but he was just labeled "avoidant." There were also examples where the anxious person definitely seemed to have inappropriate (sometimes even stalker-adjacent) behavior. I felt it demonized avoidant people through examples of awful things they do, but only portrayed anxious people as the victim. We heard examples of things we would find unacceptable outside of this context, but for some reason it was framed as either the fault of the avoidant or the responsibility of the secure to assure, which is a lot of responsibility to put on one person. In addition to this, though anecdotal, some of the abusive (physically or emotionally) people I've known I would probably consider under the anxious category. Not to say all anxious people would do this or that it's exclusive to the anxious type, it just struck me that the authors were so willing to make the detailed comparison for awful abusive behavior to avoidants without the same to the anxious.
To reiterate, I do think it's a good framework and gives some good advice. In short though, I thought it was very biased against avoidants and should certainly be taken with a grain of salt.
Life changing for me
Excellent read! Very valuable relationship information that would benefit anyone
Finnily some good explenations !
a lot of good examples that can help
great great book
Great, great book. Lots of insight & most, if not all, people can relate.
Am amazing book, full of real-life examples and good advice. The authors have found a unique way to explain attachment styles. This has been not only a learning, but also a healing experience. A huge thanks to the wonderful authors, and also to the great narrator who made listening to this audiobook a real treat. Lots of love to you all!
Great and insightful!
This was extremely insightful and helped me understand myself and past relationships so well.
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