Your Servant Sir

Your Servant Sir by Sol Boren - We all know that every android has its little idiosyncrasies. But what can a civilized human being do about it when his perfect servant drives him crazy?

The chubby woman glared at the android and dropped her suitcase on the floor. She turned to her husband and said in an angry, unsteady voice, 'I'm leaving.' Her double chin trembled. 'I can't stand the sight of that thing another second.'

Raymond Golden gripped his empty glass with both hands, leaned forward tensely in the chair, and tried to find the right words.

'Paula,' he began helplessly. 'Please wait. I'll get it fixed, or sell it, or trade it in. I'll do something.'

Mrs. Golden pointed a shaky, pudgy finger. 'I'll never come back as long as that is here.'

She bent to pick up her suitcase. The android approached silently and stared at her posterior.

'Madam,' the android said, 'you are getting quite fat.'

Paula's back snapped upward. Her face was red and there were dark shadows under her eyes. 'I can't stand it!' she shrieked. 'I can't! I can't!'

The words pierced Raymond's skull, exploded and splattered within. He winced under the barrage. Paula ignored the automatic door button, and flung the plastic slab open with her hand.

The android followed her with its cold stare and spoke in its perfect voice. 'Madam, that dress is atrocious. I would suggest that you change at once to your gray, princess silk, which will, at least, create the impression of slenderness.'

Paula screamed hysterically and ran out of the apartment. The android moved swiftly to the door and called after her, 'Farewell, Madam. Watch your weight. Take care.'